Batman Begins the Parody
by snowflakes and ink
Summary: Bruce is slow, Rachel has a short term memory and Crane is always sleepy, what else can go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I don't own BB

_Young Rachel and Bruce were playing in the Wayne Greenhouse. _

Rachel: OMG! Arrowhead! 'Drools'

Bruce: OOOO! MINE! GIVE ME!

Rachel: why?

Pause

Bruce: Eh, 'cuz I'm like, rich?

Rachel: Why did I bother playing with such a freak?

Bruce: 'cuz the movie goes this way, aw, come on! Give me that so that I can fall into the well

Rachel: What?

Bruce: 'grabs arrow head and fell into the well'

Rachel: damn he's good

_In the well….._

Bruce: hmm, kinda dark in here, wait, where am I? Oh! I am in a well

Pause

Bruce: HOLLYSHIT! I AM IN A WELL! AHHHHH!

Bats: 'appears 'cuz some klutz broke into their home'

Bruce: bats!

Pause

Bruce: OMG! BATS!! AHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME! 'Cries'

Rachel: who's down there?

Bruce: Its me! Bruce!

Rachel: why are you down there?

Bruce: I fell into the well!

Rachel: There's a well?

Bruce: JUST GET ME OUT!

Rachel: You say that again

Bruce: That again

Pause

Rachel: What is your name?

Bruce: Wait till I get out, I am so gonna-

Rachel: Why are you down there?

Bruce: ...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I DO NOT OWN BB!! Sorry

_Anyway, Bruce got out of that scary well and went home. _

Thomas Wayne: Bruce! Why do we fall?

Bruce: So that we can have a shot of Martini and drive around drunk in a BMW ?

Thomas Wayne: good, you are still my Bruce

_Outside the Wayne Manor_

Alfred: how's the little talking baby doing?

Thomas Wayne: Very well, he's still dreaming of martini

Alfred: Good, he's still Bruce

Bruce: 'asleep' Martini martini martini martini……..

Alfred: wow

_On a sky train..._

Bruce: OMG! The sky!

Pause

Thomas Wayne: Um, fascinating?

Bruce: you build this train, dad?

Thomas Wayne: yup

Pause

Thomas Wayne: OMG! Bruce! Are you okay?

Bruce's Mom: What's wrong with him?

Thomas Wayne: he knew that I build this train!

Pause

Bruce's Mom: OMG! BRUCE! ARE YOU OKAY??

Bruce: I am fine

Thomas Wayne: Bruce, why do we fall?

Bruce: So that we can have shot of Martini and drive around drunk in a BMW?

Thomas Wayne: phew, he's still Bruce

_At the opera…._

Bruce: 'sees bat-like creatures' wow, bats

Pause

Bruce: OMG! DADDY! CAN WE GO!?

Thomas Wayne: 'stuffing popcorns into his ear' what?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

Bruce: CAN WE GO?

Thomas Wayne: What?

_Finally, Bruce got the message across using sign language and his parents brought him out. _

Bruce: YAY! Away from the bats! Huzzah!

Bruce's Mom: Geez! Bruce! I was getting excited over the tight costume the tenor was wearing and you had to ruin my best moment!

Thomas Wayne: Aw, come on, he just thinks that the opera is boring 'looks at Bruce who was throwing up nearby'

Bruce's Mom: Yeah, right

Joe Chill: Give me your money!

Thomas Wayne: What?

Joe Chill: Stop it; give me your money and the movie tickets to the Dark Knight

Pause

Thomas Wayne: you know, you are a kind of weird

Joe Chill: 'Kills parents and took the money and the tickets'

Bruce: My parents are dead

Pause

Bruce: WTF?! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD?! THAT OLD FREAK TOOK THE MOVIE TICKETS!


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own BB

Chapter 3

_Years later, Bruce, now a young man returned to Gotham from Princeton. _

Alfred: here, let me take your luggage, sir 'drops them on Bruce's foot'

Bruce: OW! Why did you do that? 'Hops around on one foot and holding the other'

Alfred: My mistakes, sir

Bruce: …

Alfred: Your parents are dead, so now you own this place

Bruce: My parents are dead

Pause

Bruce: OMG! MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!!

Alfred: you are kinda slow, aren't you?

Bruce: news flash, I am slow. Anyway, what did you say?

Alfred: This place is yours

Bruce: Not this batsy place?

Alfred: Sorry, you have to take this batsy place

Bruce: I am so gonna blow it up

Alfred: And destroying something passed down from six generations?

Bruce: Good point, maybe I should keep it

Alfred: you must, Master Wayne, so are you going to stay here forever?

Bruce: NO WAY MAN! I am just gonna stay for a night or two then go around the world getting ass kicked

Alfred: You do that

_In his room….._

Bruce: Hmm, let's see clothes, clothes, clothes OOOOO! WHAZZAT?! 'Pulls out a pistol'

Pistol: I am a pistol

Bruce: Oh! You talked! How are you?

Pause

Bruce: OMG! THE PISTOL JUST TALKED!! 'Hyperventilates'

Alfred: is everything alright, sir?

Bruce: yeah

_Bruce smuggled the pistol out of the manor and attended Joe Chill's court trial. _

Judge: Blah blah bah…..and tada! You may all go

Bruce: WTF

_Outside the courtroom….._

Bruce: 'spotted Joe Chill' you old 'beep'! You killed my 'beep'ing parents and left me to die! DIE! DIE! DIE!! 'Cocks pistol'

Rachel: 'appearing out of nowhere' what are you doing?

Bruce: Rache-I mean…what?

Rachel: What?

Bruce: What what?

Rachel: Stop it

Bruce: Who are you?

Rachel: Raffles Dogs, yup, that's my name

Bruce: Nice to meet you, Raffles

Pause

Bruce: I thought your name is Rachel?

Rachel: it is? 'Looks fascinated'

Bruce: …

_Then some nosy person shot Joe Chill for no reason. _

Bruce: Joe Chill is dead

Pause

Bruce: OMG! JOE CHILL IS DEAD! HUZZAH!!

Rachel: Oo

_In Rachel's car….._

Bruce: 'crapping around like nobody's business' ……….And I fell into the well! There were many bats! The screeching! I love Easter 'cuz I love Easter, and I love Martini! I met a girl in Princeton, but she turned out to be a guy, so I left her, then I met Orlando Bloom in the corridors! He's so freakin' hot!! Gosh! I sound like a girl

Rachel: You knew that NOW?!

Bruce: News flash, I am a girl

Pause

Bruce: Wait, why did I say that I am a girl? I'm a guy!

Rachel: …

_Thirty seconds later…….._

Rachel: WHO THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CAR?!

Bruce: um, I am Bruce?

Rachel: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!! 'Kicks Bruce out'

Bruce: 'standing outside the gangster bar' she owes me coffee


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Inside the bar……………._

Falcone: Yo! You! Come and join me for a drink, will yer?

Bruce: Anything

Falcone: So, what are you doing here?

Bruce: um, looking for you?

Falcone: I know who you are

Bruce: you do? That's good

Falcone: You are that Wayne's son, Bruce

Bruce: And you are Michael Caine's brother

Pause

Falcone: Ahahaha

Bruce: Is that funny?

Falcone: I am not

Bruce: I was just guessing

Falcone: Anyway, you are so ignorant about the bad guys, stop sticking around trying to get revenge 'cuz that will not work. Hey! You guys! Get this oversized chicken out of the bar!

Bruce: There's an oversized chicken?! Where? 'Looks around'

Falcone: 'points at Bruce' here!

Bruce: 'got beaten up and thrown out of the bar' YOU COULD'VE SHOWED ME OUT! NOT KICK ME OUT! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?

Thug 1: err, Michael Jackson?

Bruce: haha, very funny

_Bruce did go around the world robbing things, he hijacked a truck and got caught. _

Bruce: What the crap? This is not my day

Chinese Police 1: record his name down

Chinese Police 2: What is your name?

Bruce: 'thinking of a fake name' um….err…. Christian Bale

Chinese Police 1: 'wide eye' OMG! CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?

Bruce: What?

_Flashback….._

Bruce: 'chewing the blue flower' tastes like Martini

Duncan: YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SMELL IT!

Bruce: Really?

Duncan: Never mind 'puts on mask and disappeared'

Bruce: Dunny?!

Duncan: My name is Duncan, you moron

Bruce: What am I suppose to do?

Duncan: Find me

Bruce: OOO! Hide and seek! 'Takes out sword and sees box'

Bruce: BOX! 'Opens it'

_The box contains one thousand million bats that were mysteriously cramped into it, they attacked Bruce 'cuz some nosy person destroyed their home. _

Bruce: wow! Bats 'drools'

Pause

Bruce: BATS??

Duncan: haha! Sucker!

_After three hours…………………………_

Bruce: AHHA! Gotcha!

Duncan: Fine!

Pause

Bruce: Aren't you gonna run?

Duncan: Why would I?

Bruce: That's the rule of hide and seek!

Duncan: WE ARE NOT PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK!

Ken Watanabe: good one, Brucey

Bruce: Brucey?

Ken Watanabe: Anyway, the city of Gotham is in deep shit 'cuz we are gonna destroy it, so to prove that you are worthy, kill this dude 'pulled out a prisoner'

Bruce: WTF NO!

Duncan: Shut up and just do it!

Bruce: WTF NO!!

Duncan: You idiot

Bruce: 'muttering to himself' quick! Bruce! Think of a plan! A plan!! 'Grabs fire poker and set the place on fire' YAY! ONE POINT FOR BRUCE!

Ken Watanabe: What the shit? OI you!

Bruce: 'points at himself' me?

Ken Watanabe: Yes you! Wanna a chocolate?

Bruce: YES!

Ken Watanabe: 'pulls out sword' haha! Tricked you!

_They fought around the place till some wooden borders killed ken watanabe. _

Bruce: yay me! 'Goes to save Duncan'


	5. Chapter 5

_Anyway, Bruce saved Duncan's sorry ass, carried his sorry ass and brought him to a village_

Random man who looks familiar: I'll tell him you saved his life

Bruce: No need to

Pause

Bruce: JUST KIDDING! Tell him that! Toodles!

_Scene cuts to a private jet_

Alfred: hey! Welcome back, little munchkin, now get on board and shut up

Bruce: how were things while I am gone?

Alfred: well, your properties are secured. However, a dude has taken over your father's company and claimed it to be his own

Bruce: 'looks confused'

Alfred: You are loosing your company

Bruce: 'looks confused'

Alfred: 'sighs' pineapples make zebra jumpy

Bruce: oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Alfred: somehow, it only makes sense to you

_Scene cuts to a hearing_

Dr. Crane: as such....yawns......thug number 2983473829 is not suitable to be placed in a .............yawn.......jail. He needs to be............yawn.................moved to my asylum and join his other creepy, mentally disorientated friends.

Rachel: 'hits the table with her paper work so hard that the table collapsed"

Dr. Crane: 'falls asleep on the jury's table'

Rachel: hey! Doctor-creepy-blue-eyes!

Dr. Crane: 

Rachel: 'takes out a microphone' DR. CRANE!

Dr. Crane: 'wakes up' AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 'Does a Tom-and-Jerry, in other words, he's now hanging from the ceiling'

Rachel: this is the fifth thug you placed in your asylum

Dr. Crane: sooooooooooooooooooooooo????

Rachel: does it mean that Falcone only hires mad people?

Dr. Crane: sooooooooooooooooooooooooo????

Rachel: You are working for the corrupt

Dr. Crane: sooooooooooooooooooooooo??????

Rachel: are you even listening to what I said?!?

Dr. Crane: um....not really, after you said 'thug' all I heard was blah blah blah blah blah blah blah law law law law law law law law law boring boring boring boring boring....

Rachel: .................

Dr. Crane: Hey Rachel's boss! Come here and take your little precioussssss away

Rachel's Boss: Dude! Why are you here, Rachel?

Rachel: I am adventurous! 'Poses with the American flag fluttering behind her'

Pause

Rachel's Boss: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight...who hyperventilated when I said 'let's go camping'?

Rachel: I hyperventilate when I am excited

Rachel's Boss: riiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Rachel: hyperventilation is a natural phenomenon that happens to everyone

Rachel's Boss: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Rachel: Especially when they are excited, anxious, or nervous

Rachel's Boss: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Rachel: are you even listening to what I said?!?

Rachel's Boss: Um.....not really, after you said 'hyperventilate' all I heard was blah blah blah blah blah blah science science science science BUTTERFLIES yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck

Rachel: ...................


End file.
